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How to convince your parents your not high

Scenario 1:
Your eyes are blood red and you don't have any visine drops.  When you walk into the kitchen to get some munchies your mom notices how red your eyes are and asks you if you've been smoking pot.
 
Response:
*Jerry Lue blew his cigarette right in your eye before you came in.
*Your eyeliner got in your eyes when you rubbed them.
*Your allergies are acting up....erm I pet the cat and rubbed my eyes
*You were crying b/c your and friend just got in a fight.
 
 
 
Scenario 2:
Your parents think you smell like weed. 
 
Response:
*Tell them your friends were smoking cigarettes and burning incense and that's it.
 
 
 
Scenario 3:
Your parents find a bag of weed in your room.
 
Response:
*Tell them you bought a bag of weed once about a year ago but had forgotten' about it.
 
 
Scenario 4:
Your parents find paraphernalia.
 
Response:
*Tell them it's from a long time ago when so and so came over (choose somebody whose only come over once or a couple times a very long time ago) then left his pipe there.